So I'm home right now after a shitty night at work because one of the residents called me a motherfucker and a son of a bitch for his apparently horrible food. It wasnt even my fault and i said that so then he had to talk to our cook and thenhe bitched at the cook! So after that now our cook hates me for getting him. Just a bad night so I thought I'd just talk to blog for a while since I feel no 1 wants to listen. I'm listening to the playlist Alex said she liked from pandora and I must agree. It's sooo soothing after a night like tonight. To to pit all off I ofcourse got into yet another fight with my girlfriend and she aaaaaaaaaaaaaaalwaaaaaaaays has to try and turn it around to make it my fault. Tonight we were supposed to hangout after i got out of work so I called and shes whispering. She was in a movie with her other friends when I said we were doing something tonight. I had my clothes on and i was so ready to get out and see my girlfriend but apparently thats too much to ask for. I dont know why I'm with her sometimes. I love her so much and she loves me 2 but she takes so much advantage of my kindness and patience. She loves walking over me but the sad thing is she doesnt even know she does it sometimes! So how do u fix that!?....which brings me to the question, why the fuck cant I leave her??? I got waaaay to attached this time and I'm afraid I won't have the fucking balls to ever end it if it needs to be ended! Why am I such a pussy! I hate it. It's my strength and weakness at the same time. Being nice means all my friends love me for me and I live a happy life while making other people happy on the way but its also my weakness cause I'm too fucking nice to do something mean like dumping a girl. WTF is wrong with me. I love her....maybe I shouldnt. Fuck it all. Maybe I'm supposed to have a girl that treats me like shit sometimes. Maybe thats why I was made like the pussy I am. Whatever. As long as I could remember I was a pussy. Even as me and this girl i was friends with were being sexually harrassed when we were 8 I was too much of a pussy to stand up for myself or her or even call the police or tell my parents. I dont know why I'm typing right now like no 1 will see this but I have to vent somehow and if it's sitting in my mind it'll drive me crazy. I was too much of a pussy when I got spit on in middle school. I was too much of a pussy to stick up for myself when even my friend since 9th grade was spreading rumors that I was gay. I was too much of a pussy to ask the girl out I was crazy about freshman year so instead I dated a bunch of girls I didnt even fucking like. And now I'm dating a girl who doesnt even appreciate anything I do and I'm too much of a pussy to realize that I deserve better. I'm just gonna go to bed and listen to some music. I need to just meditate and breathe for a little bit.
I'll be back later.
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